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Spoiled brat |
A spoiled child is a child that has been spoiled by his or her parents. There is no accepted medical definition of what "spoiled" means, and it is not a formal medical term (although spoiled child syndrome is recognized and accepted). Nevertheless, it is widely understood among lay people to encompass behaviors that include self-centeredness and lack of consideration for other people.
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There is no accepted medical definition of what "spoiled" means, partly because the word is derogatory. Psychologists will instead describe such children as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic", and even "egocentric-regressed". However, lay people generally agree on the adjective "spoiled" and what it means.1 Michele Borba, psychologist and author, opines that "the plain, old-fashioned, term 'spoiled brat' fits just fine". 2
Medicine recognizes the "spoiled child syndrome", as first defined by McIntosh (see Further reading). This syndrome is characterized by "excessive, self-centered, and immature behavior". It includes lack of consideration for other people, recurrent temper tantrums, an inability to handle the delay of gratification, demands for having one's own way, obstructiveness, and manipulation. McIntosh attributed the syndrome to "the failure of parents to enforce consistent, age-appropriate limits", but others, such as Aylward, note that temperament is probably a contributory factor.1
It is important to note that the temper tantrums are recurrent. McIntosh observes that "many of the problem behaviors that cause parental concern are unrelated to spoiling as properly understood". Children may have occasional temper tantrums without them falling under the umbrella of "spoiled". Extreme cases of spoiled child syndrome, in contrast, will involve frequent temper tantrums, physical aggression, defiance, destructive behaviour, and refusal to comply with even the simple demands of daily living.1
Children with underlying medical or mental health problems may exhibit some of the symptoms. Speech or hearing disorders, and attention deficit disorder, may lead to children failing to understand the limits set by parents. Children who have recently experienced a stressful event, such as the separation of the parents or the birth or death of a close family relative, may also exhibit some or all of the symptoms. Children of parents who themselves have psychiatric disorders may manifest some of the symptoms, because the parents behave erratically, sometimes failing to perceive their children's behaviour correctly, and thus fail to properly or consistently define limits of normal behaviour for them.3
Physicians can counsel parents in the proper ways to deal with their children to prevent spoiling as follows: Up to the age of 3 or 4 months, a parent need not worry that comforting a crying child will result in spoiling, but after that time they should encourage children to comfort themselves, lest they begin to associate crying with a ritual. (See Spoiling of infants below.) Parents should prepare themselves for children being obstructive and attempting to test limits between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, should set firm and clear limits, should provide choices for children during stand-offs, and should not become aggravated or feel guilty about doing these. They should also be aware that verbal pleading does not work at those ages, since children do not develop the concept of (adult) morality until they are around 6 or 7 years old.3
Treatment by a physician involves assessing parental competence, and whether the parents set limits correctly and consistently. Physicians should rule out dysfunction in the family, referring dysfunctional families for family therapy and dysfunctional parents for parenting skills training, and counsel parents in methods for modifying their child's behaviour.3
On early infancy, a baby seeks attention, be it food or comfort, from his or her parents by loud and prolonged crying. Once it is a few months old, however, an infant learns to begin to interact with adults using inducements and invitations. (Marston, Marston, and King give the example of an infant looking for a cuddle by extending his or her arms out wide, inviting fondling and petting.) Spoiled infants, however, are allowed to continue to control parental behaviour through crying. A spoiled child never learns to affect other people through inducement and invitation, rather than through outright dominance.4
If a family has only one child, it is commonly believed that the extra attention lavished upon this "only child" will cause him or her to become spoiled. Alfred Adler (1870-1937) believed that only children were likely to experience a variety of problems from this situation. Adler theorized that because only children have no rivals for their parents' affection, they will become pampered and spoiled, particularly by the mother. He suggested that this could later cause interpersonal difficulties if the person is not universally liked and admired.5
A 1987 quantitative review of 141 studies on 16 different personality traits contradicted Adler's theory. This research found no evidence of any "spoilage" or other pattern of maladjustment in only children. The major finding was that only children are not very different from children with siblings. The main exception to this was the finding that only children are generally higher in achievement motivation.6 A second analysis revealed that only children, first-borns, and children with only one sibling score higher on tests of verbal ability than later-borns and children with multiple siblings.7
Spoiling in infancy and early childhood tends to create characteristic reactions that persist, fixed, into later life. These can cause significant social problems. Spoiled children may have difficulty coping with situations such as teachers refusing to grant extensions on homework assigments, playmates refusing to allow them to play with their toys, and girlfriends or boyfriends refusing to engage in sexual activity. As adults, spoiled children may experience problems with anger management, professionalism, and personal relationships.89
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